Ever find yourself describing the scene around you as if you were writing it for a book? Ever find yourself rewriting your life to match the book you’re working on? If so, then you’re a writer. If not, then you should skip a coupla paragraphs.
Not only do I find myself doing this but, I also find myself wishing I had my camera with me at all times or was an expert painter to recreate the beautiful scenes I find all around me.
There is one thing I cannot seem to do….write. True, I can describe scenes, and see what I wanna write down but every time it seems I’m near a computer or near my journal, my mind goes blank. Worse case of writer’s block I’ve ever had. I have sooo many different stories and unfinished manuscripts floating around in the messy cave I call my room, that it’s unbelievable. The hardest problem I seem to have is taking the words in my head and putting them on paper or on my laptop.
The same thing with faith. It’s easy to read about the faith of Daniel and Moses or the faith of Paul and be like, “I can do that, I can have that faith,” but in reality we are lying to ourselves in hoping that God won’t notice our faith is lacking. Even worse when we hit those ‘rough spots’ in our lives. Our ‘perfect’ lives crumble all around us and the faith we thought we had, the faith we had convinced others we had, starts to show itself. We desperately try to hide it but the more we hie it the more it shows.
Right now, my life is seemingly perfect. I average about 30hrs a week at work, I’m one of the first ones they call to fill-in for someone, everyone likes me there, and to be honest, I enjoy working there. I run the coffee bar on the first Sunday of the month, even though I’m only eighteen, I’m a pretty damn good photographer with some talent lurking under my shell and I’m an aspiring writer. But the truth is, my job tends to piss me off when I’m covering for the same people, over and over again; I tend to feel useless on that first Sunday because I’m so young and I don’t know I’m doing; writing seems to be failing me over and over again and taking photos seems to become something people expect of me instead of something I truly enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I love taking pictures but it’s hard when it’s what people expect of me all the time.
My faith seems to be super-strong but in reality, it’s not. I don’t know what to read, when to read or really how to pray. I know these things don’t make up my faith but I’m feeling disconnected and alone. I feel like I have no one to go to for help, or someone who would be there everyday to hear my problems. I know God is the ultimate One but….I’ve reached the end of my rope.
Anybody who hears my cry, please lend an ear. Anybody who sees my pain, lend a hand.