School was really easy. Now, if I can manage to get rid of a certain douche-bag I would be happy; he makes it almost unbearable sometimes.
After school, I went to base (aka Fort Bragg) and babysat this adorable 19month old girl named Emma. After her nap, she ran around the house, played with my keys, decided that the dog’s kennel was an excellent place to play and was adorable on top of all that.
I also decided to start my Japanese back up again. It’s gonna be interesting but I *think* I’m getting it. We’ll see.
Today was pretty normal – as normal as one could get considering I woke up 45min late. Yikes!! I barely it to class on time but I did make it. As it turns out my Econ homework wasn’t due until Wednesday – which is good because I still have no freakin’ clue what I’m doing. The normal Monday routine, was well, normal. I did, however, have a sudden creative burst with one of my books. So excited about it! I have a ton of writing I need to do before I lose my train of thought on it. I am completely rewriting it but this is nothing new to me at all. I have also started the Japanese back up again. I need to get a headphone with microphone attached so I can do the voice part. That will most definitely help me in my knowledge/understanding the language. Justin and I are still working on our new relationship – still not sure what to call him now – he isn’t my ex in a bad way but he’s not my boyfriend now and you definitely don’t kiss a friend that passionately either. I don’t know what to do about that yet.
Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! This day has been an emotional roller coaster. This morning was pretty bland in the emotions department but this afternoon and evening were completely different.
Church this morning wasn’t bad but I couldn’t breathe (still have some sinus issues and a little chest congestion as well) and because I couldn’t breathe, I had to continue stepping out of the service. I missed some of it but I will listen to it later and catch up. After church, we went and had a cookout at my aunt/uncle’s. After a delicious, non-turkey lunch, my aunt got the horses out and we rode on them some.
We did have a little bit of an adventure when Dixie decided to buck off my littlest brother but he’s much better now. Right around this time Justin showed up. The next few hours were filled with me wondering why I invited him; how I could hide the fact that I still loved him, how to have him around and treat him as a friend, etc. I was still wrestling with trying not to love him when I walked him out to his car (it was dark and the respectable thing to do) and he leaned in and gave me a kiss. And not just a kiss on the cheek but a full blown passionate kiss. Naturally, I kissed him back all the while remembering our first kiss, another time when we kissed in the snow, another time when he snuck a kiss before my siblings caught us and wishing it could be like this forever. We have decided, for right now at least, to be friends and see what happens after Basic. I think part of him isn’t too keen on dating someone in the military but he knows I’m not like the rest of them and is willing to forgo that. We both have that fear of being in two different places. We’ll see where it goes. I’m off to bed so I can enjoy my busy day tomorrow!
Finally, finally, finished taking care of my clothes. I still have some other random stuff to take care of but it’s all good. The clothes were the biggest part of it.
I feel lost right now; I know that God is with me, so therefore none can be against me without defeat.
I feel unloved; I know that I have a family who loves me and will miss me when I leave.
I feel useless; I know that God has given me gifts that only I can use to glorify Him and bring Him praise.
I feel unwanted; I know that no matter what I do, I am always His child, chosen and loved, regardless.
I feel dirty; I know that through His Son’s death on a cross of wood, I am made as white as snow.
I feel unforgiven; I know that God has forgiven all of my sins – because He loves me.
That pretty much sums up the battle going on inside of me. I feel one way and yet, I know that God is another way. I can’t seem to get my head on straight and I know it’s because I haven’t spent time with him. In truth, I have neglected the one thing I cannot live without in this life, or the one after.
I totally slept in!!!! 10am and I finally decided to roll outta bed! It was rainy all morning and I figured since I wasn’t one of the crazies going shopping that I could totally sleep in. G, S and I went and ate at Ruby Tuesday’s with our uncle and then went and watch Megamind 3D – absolutely awesome! except for the 3D part. The glasses give me a headache sometimes. Came home and watched Wizard of Oz with the family and just relaxed all day.
p.s. I had tooo much Dr. Pepper and now feel sick – bleh! When will I ever learn??
Thanksgiving day – the day we eat turkey, hang with friends and family and watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Well, needless to say, we did the aforementioned just not in that order. With just over 30 people coming, only 14 actually blood related to me, my aunt’s house was full to the brim. We enjoyed ham, deep-fried turkey, mashed potatoes, corn pudding, crescent rolls/potato rolls, green beans, carrots (no meal with my grandmother is complete without carrots) and I haven’t even gotten all the sides or even the desserts yet! We have a ton of food left over! After enjoying a nice meal, we hung out and played some games and had some laughs. Even though this is the latest I have stayed up in about 2 weeks due to not feeling well, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my family, whether it be by blood or by spirit.
Soo….today, I cooked 2 pecan pies, made 1 7-layer jello dessert and my sister made a pineapple dip as well. Today I discovered that liquid jello is indeed very messy; especially when it’s the top layer and you have no room to move – at all.
S had a dentist appointment where they removed one of his top teeth. The best part was listening to him attempt to talk to others while he drooled all over himself. Md had cheer practice for Nationals this afternoon – they were working on their elevator stunts.
PIZZA!!! Its what’s for dinner – at least at the day before Thanksgiving. Cannot wait for tomorrow!!