The corner was the perfect waiting spot. No one could sneak up from behind; no one could escape her eye. Her anxiety had no abated since she had walked in; it wouldn’t leave til she did. But she had to be here, she just had to.
Sitting in a little two-seater booth, she remained unnoticed. Jasmine yellow shutters stood floor to ceiling separated the dining room into sections; carpet covered the floor in an asparagus green where the sandstone tiles were not present. The outermost walls were also covered in the same sandstone tiles as the main walkways. The greens, yellows and browns complimented each other and gave the place a simple, yet refined, combination of country and city.
Person after person, family after family came in. The smells of lunch filled the air. Fresh warm bread, homemade soups and pies all combined their enticing smells to remind one of home. All except one, that is. She was too attentive to detail to smell the scents without hearing the noise. Pots and pans banging, cooks and servers arguing, parents scolding their children, but over all, laughter.
Pure, sweet, mischievous laughter emanated from a little boy about 10ft away. His dad was tickling him while his mother gently smiled. A twinge of jealousy sprouted in her; why couldn’t she have had that?
Being lonely is really, well, lonely. There are many times when I am sitting on my bed or on the floor, watching videos on my laptop and I just get this overwhelming sense of loneliness. Of being alone. Of being unsure. Every day I struggle with being alone, in a new city, far from home and even worse, far from my husband. I struggle with not knowing what to do, or what to eat. I struggle with not wanting to go out because I might get lost and because I don’t know what to do but I also fight with being inside all the time. Granted, the weather is nice and beautiful right now so it’s nice in my apartment but it’s not home. I have to drive everywhere I go whereas at Corry I didn’t have to.
I’m just lonely. I don’t know what to do or say anymore.
I have decided to start another challenge. I will write a blog and/or post a picture on my adjoining blog, RoseAmongThorns photo, every day. The reason I am calling it “Til We Meet Again” is because it gives me something to do until I meet Josh again.
It gives me an excuse to write and take pictures. It gives me a place to daily vent when I don’t know what to say. It gives me a chance to relax and realize that everyday God is in control, even when I can’t see it. I know that God is in control, I mean, he gave me a husband who is calm when I am frustrated, who knows how to handle money and is my match.
This weekend has been very interesting for me. I moved into my new, and first, apartment yesterday. I bought pots and pans and food and dishes and an air mattress and I still feel like my place isn’t my place yet. It seems so barren and lonely. It makes up for it by the view I have outside. It’s more space than I thought it was but I like it. I like knowing that I have space to have friends over but it’s a lot of space to make me feel empty and lonely. It’s even worse on gray and cloudy days like today. Days like today make me snuggle up with a book or my computer and stay inside. And it makes me feel lonelier than ever because I don’t have anyone to snuggle with.
I did get out and take some pics though to rid me of my loneliness – sneak peak below!