Monthly Archives: June 2012

Struggles

Posted by hatedvsloved on

Lately I have been having some struggles. I know no one reads these posts but I feel like it’s important to put words down on paper, whether literally or figuratively via this blog.

I am going to list in bullet form with a short paragraph beneath, all of my struggles at the moment.

  • Being separated (geographically) from my spouse is a major part of my depression

Every day I wake up in an empty bed in an empty apartment. I go to work where I feel alone (I’ll cover that in a minute) and when my shift is done, I come home to an empty apartment once more. I cook meals for one and when I make more than I can eat at one time, I feel depressed because Josh isn’t here. I get depressed when I think about how no one seems to be reaching out, how everyone has plans on this beautiful Friday night and I’m home alone because I know better than to go out by myself in this city. I don’t like this at all and to top it off, I have no one who I can go to talk about it because no one knows what it’s like.

Also, my family who I am very close to, are stationed overseas and because of the time difference I can’t talk to them as much and they aren’t there when I need their advice or just want to talk to them.

I have never felt so alone.

  • I feel alone at work.

I work with Navy and Air Force. The Air Force guys get along but the two female Sailors are great friends and I don’t fit into their friendship at all. When we are together, I feel like a third wheel of their friendship which isn’t fun at all.

  • I am struggling with losing weight.

You can’t tell when you look at me but according to everything I can find, I am overweight. I am 160lbs at 64.5″ which is more than I want to be. I know that I need to eat healthier but since I keep struggling with depression, I have a hard time with that. I know that working out will help change that but it’s hard when I am on nights. I know these are all excuses but I don’t want to do this alone and everyone is asleep when I am wide awake and ready to go. I need to lose weight but I feel like I can’t at all.